Look at Her

Reflections on Birthday Week and a poem

Birthday Week concluded in an epic fashion with a solo trip to Colorado. I spent my first night with my brother, sister in law, and nephews in Denver (a dinner alone with my brother!), and then my sister in law and I drove to Salida to spend the weekend with a good friend of mine. We skied twice, soaked in hot springs, got massages, had winding / uninterrupted conversations, and enjoyed meals sitting down. I read two books! The time away was refreshing, restorative, reflective, and I came home so happy to see my husband and two littles. (I was less excited when our backup hot water heater burst that evening, and we were without hot water for three days, but that’s another story.)

Several conversations during the weekend linked back to ourselves containing multiple identities (like Shauna Niequist’s “Russian Dolls” essay) and that as we age we grow more comfortable with who we are and the lives we lead.

Skiing for the first time in five years made me nervous. In talking through it, I realized it’s the loss of control and the momentary free fall that is nerve-wracking. I have been learning a lot about giving up control in the last few years. I came home and wrote a poem about it for the first time in a couple months.

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Look at Her

Look at her take it off -- 

that tight grip / tight lip / muscle through it / just do it.

Look at her throw it back -- 

that expectation release / immense relief / inner peace.

Look at her show it off -- 

that change of plan / open hand / don’t understand.

Look at her find freedom.

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Sara, Amy, and I skiing Monarch