Diamond Anniversary

Cheers to a Decade

“Look at the cheesecake!” Nick blurts out when I open my eyes. He is on one knee in front of me. Snow has stopped falling outside, and we are cozy in sweaters after a homecooked Friday night dinner. On the dining table to my right is a cheesecake with “Marry Me” written on a chocolate bar. An engagement ring shimmers under the overhead light, reflecting our eager, young love.

During the next six months, I learn that my square cut diamond engagement ring sparkles the most brilliantly under halogen lightbulbs. It also doesn’t scratch, despite my constant travel for work and commitment to getting stronger with weights at the gym. I can’t wait to stare at a second ring nestled underneath it in a few months, a symbol to the world that I am someone’s wife.

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Diamonds are one of the hardest substances on earth due to the “tight structure of covalent bonds between carbon atoms…On the Mohs scale—which measures the ability of a harder material to scratch a softer material—they rank 10 out of 10 in hardness.”¹

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On a rainy turned windy day on September 19, 2015, I stand under a wooden arch pinned with greenery and white ribbon. The sun has just cleared grey clouds, revealing a brilliant blue underneath. The leaves on trees dotting the golf course are still green, they haven’t yet colored red / yellow / orange. My cathedral length-veil, worn also by my mother, threatens to blow right out of the bobby pins securing it to my updo (thank goodness my sister-in-law holds it like a long ponytail during the entire ceremony), and I grin when Nick slides my diamond wedding band on top of my engagement ring.

There’s so much I could tell you about that day. I could tell you about the idle chatter earlier in the day about if we should move the ceremony inside or the way our wedding party races golf carts across the grounds for photos. I could tell you about our pastor traveling to my home state to marry us or cheering with my bouquet after our vows. I could tell you about our first bite of wedding cheesecake or dancing the foxtrot to Thinking Out Loud or both laughing and crying during speeches. I could tell you about dancing so hard the train on my dress unbustles or taking silly pictures in the photobooth.

But, what I want you to remember is that our photographer tells us that we are the happiest couple he has ever photographed. Everyone is excited on their wedding day, but you two are something else. My cheeks hurt from smiling by the end of the day.

I can’t picture a morning I will wake up and think: This all feels really tough.

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Diamonds are created over 75 miles underground, deep within the Earth’s mantle. They are formed from bonded carbon atoms, possible only through incredible pressure and intense heat.²

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Diamonds, something durable and beautiful, are only possible because they endure something really hard.

1. The Army rips us from our gorgeous community in Washington, DC and moves us to the brown, rolling hills of metro-Austin. Have you been to Texas in July?

2. The second day of our son’s life rocks everything we thought we knew. I’m healing from an unplanned c-section, our son won’t latch, we are exhausted. Why didn’t anyone tell us being a new parent would be so hard?!

3. We mostly lose our church community within the span of a month.

4. COVID-19 shuts down the world, and Nick is deployed for an unknown length of time to set up a COVID hospital in the heart of it all, in NYC. I celebrate our son’s first birthday alone, find out I’m pregnant with our second child alone, and battle my first trimester alone. All during a global pandemic. (I later write about this.)

5. The Army moves us to Fort Lost in the Woods, MO for our last TEN MONTHS in the Army. No regard that the world is still shut down for a pandemic or that I’m pregnant.

6. Nick finishes his Army commitment and graduates from his fellowship program. He begins work at a private practice group. He is gone 6:30am-6pm, works weekends, and works overnight. We live in a brand new state and have zero connections. Our children are 5 months and 25 months.

7. I endure a year of unexplained pain that makes it nearly impossible to sit, drive, or play for extended periods of time. Eventually I undergo back surgery at age 35. (I write about this too.) I am unable to lift our 2 and 4 year olds for months. Nick takes on my domestic and child tasks.

8. We suffer through two years of infertility. (I write about this too.)

9. 2016, 2022, the general state of the world.

10. The difficulty of continued growth as individuals, as a couple, as a family.

I could tell you more about each of these. The boxes of tissues I sobbed through. The words I wish I wouldn’t have said, and the ones that made all the difference. The journals I filled with stories—funny and joyous and sad—and all the times I begged God to take pain away. I could also tell you about all the ways God showed up for us and that butterflies still remind us of His faithfulness. I could tell you about how we decide to notice and appreciate each other, that “Thank you for taking out the trash and emptying the dishwasher” are part of our daily vernacular. I could tell you about how hard it’s been to rebuild our home and life time and time and time again. About disappointment that sinks into your stomach and pain that hangs heavy in your lungs. But also about the beautiful, unexpected friendships that grow in each season. I could tell you about how we’re learning to dance the West Coast Swing, that I’m still trying to let Nick lead and he’s still searching for the beat in each song. I could tell you about how we’re reading parenting books and praying for discernment every single day. I could tell you about how I wouldn’t have started writing again without Nick’s encouragement and that we try to spur each other on to be the best versions of ourselves. I could tell you about our biggest parenting regrets but also the sweetness of it that makes us both cry.

In the midst of it all, I could tell you about how we’ve never stopped praying, never stopped saying I love you, never stopped reaching for each other.

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Nick and I had the amazing opportunity to go on a Caribbean cruise (thanks to my parents for watching the kids!) to celebrate our anniversary last month. Anxious doesn’t begin to describe how I felt preparing to leave my children for a week, be mostly unavailable in the middle of the ocean, and step foot in new countries with no fast or easy way home.

I cried on the way to the airport, but once I passed through security and made it to our gate, excitement replaced all my nerves. Friends, I did not think I was a cruise person. But you know what? I’m a cruise person. 10 out of 10 times I will recommend the Celebrity Beyond (booked based on a recommendation from a good friend, who I’m calling my Cruise Sherpa). I make one thousand decisions each day for everyone in our family, and on the cruise my biggest decisions are which swimsuit to wear and which entree to order. I spend mental energy on my books (I read Dear Edward, Hello Stranger, Lady Tan’s Circle of Women, and My Friends) instead of on Instacart orders, “easy” vacation meals, and figuring out transportation for excursions. I am responsible for no one, and almost immediately I feel like I’m 27 years old again.

The ship is stunning. There is a rooftop garden, an art gallery, a walk through 3D art exhibit. A pickle ball court and walking track adorn the top deck. There are multiple pools and endless loungers, all with incredible views of the sea (how is the middle of the ocean so blue?!). Hungry? Thirsty? Feeling snacky? Got you covered, any time of day.

We laugh at a comedy show, marvel at acrobatics, clap along to a musical. We giggle and dance our way through our first ever silent disco. We locate live music each night to practice our West Coast Swing. We have lingering conversations that span days, time to reflect and remember our decade long story.

Nick and I spend days at sea relaxing (nothing else I should be doing!). We enjoy the endless oceanview from the gym. I get to ride the Peloton and do strength workouts. We lay by the pool. Thank you, I would in fact like a fruit kabob at 10am and a fruit sorbet at 2pm while I continue reading in my lounger. We nap and sleep hard. My needs and wants are anticipated before I can say a word.

And between days of relaxation? Days of adventure and exploration! We drink fresh coconut juice from a coconut in Saint Maarten and then ride horses into the sea. We swim in the clearest water I’ve ever seen in my life at St. Mageen’s Bay—one of the top ten beaches in the world—on the island of Saint Thomas. We put on goggles and flippers to gaze at rainbow fish, coral, anemones on Pearl Island in the Bahamas.

The transition back to ALL THE THINGS in September was rough, friends. Take me back!

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Really, what I want to tell you today is that when I look at my hand, when I see light bounce off my ring, I smile. A beautiful symbol of a beautiful life. A life possible because we’ve bonded like carbon atoms through the pressure.

1. https://www.americangemsociety.org/diamond-facts-for-kids-and-adults/

2. https://www.britannica.com/topic/How-Are-Diamonds-Made